Way of Thinking
A deeply touching story reveals the essence of life: in the desolate desert ravaged by sandstorms, explorers argue ceaselessly due to a malfunctioning compass and exhausted supplies. Just as they are on the brink of despair, the captain’s words ease the tension. The young man gazing at the night sky finally finds his direction in the stars.
As Einstein said, the difference between people lies in their attitude towards conflict: the weak tend to seek revenge, the strong choose to forgive, and the wise ignore. The mindset of a person differs, and so does their realm of life.
I. The Weak Seek Revenge
During the Eastern Han Dynasty, the strategist Fa Zheng harbored resentment for not being valued early in his career. When the opportunity arose, he used his power to do as he pleased, taking revenge on those who had once looked down upon him. Although this behavior brought him temporary satisfaction, it also stained his reputation.
Similarly, in personal life, a neighbor unsatisfied with the division of property took extreme actions against his family members, eventually gaining neither sympathy nor support from his community. This shows that those with narrow minds often hurt themselves first in the pursuit of revenge.
II. The Strong Forgive
The premise of forgiveness is understanding and compassion. The truly strong are filled with kindness and love, capable of forgiving even when hurt. This not only harmonizes relationships but also purifies one’s own soul.
Those who argue over every ounce often prioritize personal gains, accustomed to balancing profits and losses in interactions, usually harming both others and themselves. However, people with inner strength often have a wide range of compassion, often bearing profound empathy.
Ni Ping, in her book “Grandmother’s Quotations,” shares a past event that vividly illustrates this view. The story took place in the early days of the liberation, when a neighbor, to avoid being labeled a rich peasant, hid more than a dozen bolts of cloth at Ni Ping’s grandmother’s home. The grandmother worried for half a year, never sleeping well. Yet, thinking of the neighbor’s possible plight, she endured the fear and unease. Regrettably, years later, the neighbor publicly disclosed the hidden cloth for the sake of their child’s future. The grandmother was furious and her lips turned purple, but in the end, she couldn’t bear to blame the neighbor, not even mentioning a word of reproach. Come autumn, just as in years past, she still had her child deliver fresh apples for them to taste. Ni Ping thought Grandmother’s actions somewhat foolish, yet she marveled at her understanding of the challenging lives of the five children and the kindness that considered others’ perspectives, emanating a compassion that knew no bounds.
I’ve heard a story that greatly inspired me. A middle-aged man troubled by nightmares sought help from a sage. In his dreams, he always saw those who had hurt him locked in a tiny dark room, struggling in agony. The sage gave him a key and instructed him to open the door the next time he dreamed of this scene. The man did as told and found that the people he released came out one by one, smiling, and the last one to leave the dark room turned out to be himself. From then on, the middle-aged man was finally free from his nightmares. This story tells us: hating others often just tortures ourselves. In this world full of scars and grievances, everyone struggles for life, trying their best for the sake of their families. Oscar Wilde once said, “I must forgive some things, because one cannot get up every night and sow thorns in the garden of the soul.” Sometimes, forgiving others’ faults is in fact for the peace and release of our own hearts.
How does the wise ignore troubles? Teacher Fan Deng once conducted an interesting “public transportation psychology experiment”: Imagine life as a bus, and you are the driver. When some ill-intentioned passengers board, do you choose to argue with them or continue driving forward? If you have to stop and quarrel every time before moving on, your life can never progress and will be stuck in the same place. However, if you keep driving forward, you’ll realize that those troubles and harms are actually not worth worrying about. Majestic trees do not fight with the grass, and powerful generals disdain to kill flies. The higher a person’s realm and pattern are, the less likely they are to indulge in trivial matters.
Hu Shi was one of the important promoters of the New Culture Movement. After joining the editorial department of “New Youth,” he dedicated himself to cultural reforms, investing a great deal of effort. However, his innovative ideas and actions angered some who clung to traditional concepts, and they began to smear and demean Hu Shi, even harming him covertly. Some friends suggested that he retaliate in the same manner, such as by publishing articles in the magazine for a tit-for-tat response. But Hu Shi knew this would be nothing more than fleeting achievements and could potentially turn the magazine focused on spreading new culture into a noisy spat. He understood that the more he rebutted or sought revenge, the more it would stimulate the adversary’s opposition. Thus, he chose to remain calm and ignore them. Over time, those who intentionally attacked him gradually faded away.
Hu Shi elevated his dedication to editorial work to a higher level, which led to the thriving development of the “New Youth” magazine. It deeply enlightened and continually influenced a generation. In the long history of literature, he thus established an impregnable status for himself. Jin Yong once exclaimed: “His strength is like a breeze on the hills, his obstinacy like the moon over the river.”
Ignoring opposition is not a sign of weakness, but rather a profound insight and thorough understanding after experiencing the vicissitudes of life. Among people with widely varying ideas, no amount of argument is likely to produce a consensus. Rather than wasting time in petty strife, it is better to invest energy into self-improvement. Those truly wise individuals do not compete in words, but demonstrate their level through actions.
In psychologist Adler’s consulting room, there was a prism placed directly in front of visitors, showing two faces—“The hateful others” and “The pitiful self”; however, the unseen back side held important information about the ultimate outcome: “What to do next?” In the face of problems, proactive actions are more practically valuable than indulging in emotions.
Let us abandon a pessimistic mindset, forgive others with the poise of the strong, and ignore disturbances with the attitude of the wise. Only those who are open-minded and maintain clarity can ultimately climb the peak of life.
